When Queen Elizabeth II first announced her Diamond Jubilee celebration plans, Grayman made a formal request to participate in the Thames Flotilla...on a G-Mat! To enhance his case, he pointed out that his surf mats were "hand made in the UK." Not impressed, the Queen herself responded, saying, "Prince Charles and his strapping lads have been stoked on 4GFs for years...so thanks but no thanks, mate."
A sensitive bloke and a died-in-the-wool royalist, Grayman was shattered. Rather than accept the drubbing like a good chap, he hatched a scheme to spend the entire Diamond Jubilee weekend in the one place that would really cheese off Her Royal Highness...France!
His journey got off to a rocky start, when UKMS pranksters provided him with "free" aeroplane tickets...to French Beach, British Columbia!
After an embarrassing few hours trying to speak French to West Coast Canadians, Grayman finally got the joke. He hopped a cargo plane with a load of low-budget North American tourists, and arrived in the actual country of France a day later, no worse for the wear...
He knew he was in the right country when a contingent from the French Mat Surfing Association (Tapis Français Surf Association) was on hand to greet him.
With the help of some locals, G scored a classic French villa right on the beach...
...and went for a surf on what would have been his Diamond Jubilee flotilla craft. He'd never surfed before without icebergs floating around in the water, but he was stoked anyway!
Like many lost souls who land on the shores of France, G soon gave in to the decadence of the Franco art world. Assuming the guise of a fashion photographer, he documented French women in their natural habitat...
...and he couldn't resist the temptation to join a cross-dressing comedy troupe!
Not blessed with comic timing in the French language, Grayman's new associates relegated him to the art of mime. Here, he portrays a man at the shoreline leaning into the wind.
In spite of his best efforts, Graymans's mates sent him packing!
Meanwhile, with G out of the country, our own Piskian was now being heralded as the nation's premiere mat rider! Apparently, he overreacted to the honor, first crowning himself king...
...then taking the stage at the Jubilee and performing his cover of "I'm Telling You Now."
Desperate to have Grayman back so he could lampoon Piskian's out-of-control ego, UKMS headquarters texted him a snap of a decidedly-brit buffet table...with an empty chair begging to be filled!
Not swayed, G fired back with a portrait of himself embracing the French lifestyle...
...and going for a mat surf at Biarritz with Brigitte Bardot!
But the UKMS finally won Grayman back...sending him a photo of a billboard announcing the London release for Charlie Sheen's new theatrical feature, "Sheen: Winning." It's the story of a surfer who manages to dominate the world of competitive raft riding...in spite of the fact that he wears a French beret in public!
