A package containing a mysterious bobble head doll washed up on the 4GF beachhead over the weekend...via the US Postal Service.
Not sure what to make of this latest offering from the surf mat gods, we gingerly opened the parcel with a keen ear listening for any aural indications of a ticking bomb. With the recent dust up between Charlie and every law enforcement agency in North America, there was no telling what the emotionally unstable Sir Charles might be capable of!
As it turned out, Charlie started things off with a note of encouragement...
Charlie also included instructions to play a recorded message from him contained in the base of the bobble head. Not surprisingly, he was keen to get to the point!
Dude, seriously. What's up with that Piskian cat and that for-shit film project of his...what's it called? "10-4 Blubber Duckie?" I got a call from his alleged secretary (she sounded an awful lot like the hooker I hired the last time I was in London) and she was droning on and on about how much I needed to "rehabilitate my image," and how ultra-super-cool it would be if I signed on to Piskian's project so we could all reach cinematic nirvana together. Jesus. When was the last time I heard that line of bull? Five minutes ago? Then I get a call from Burt Reynold's agent threatening me with legal action if I do the project, since Burt has exclusive rights to the whole "CB Trucker On The Road Looking For America" film genre for the next 800 years! I got news for you, Burt...you look like you're already 800 if you ask me! And then some dickwad -- probably you, Paulie -- gave my email address to those UK Mat Meet wankers, and my inbox has been stuffed with all this crap about Mat Meet 117...like I'm supposed to give a shit about a bunch of half frozen kooks in two inch thick wetsuits trying to surf mats two centuries from now in a country that doesn't even have waves! And what about the mat I ordered from you during the most recent 4GF "sales event?" Memo to the kooks at 4GF: a "sale" in the Sheen vocabulary means "free mats for Charlie," capice? Just because I never paid you doesn't mean you don't owe me a mat! The time it took me to record this message cost me at least 400 thou in lost voice-over revenue. Plus I have to pay the chick who's holding my microphone all day and night. When will it end?
Well, that was refreshing! Always good to hear from Charlie, even if the Xanax hasn't kicked in!